Tag Archives: food

So, you might want to bring food

Me and the Brother from about 6 years ago

My brosef called me the other night to see if I could sit at his house and wait for the TV repair dude and seeing as I had nothing else to do, I said sure.  He told me when to come over and then went to look in his fridge to see what he had that I would eat (he knows I’m not a big meat eater).

“Well, let’s see. I’ve got beer. Oh! You need to try the Smithwicks.  There’s some deer bologna, snack sticks, um.  I’ve got ice cream sandwiches, you eat those.  They’re the mint kind.  And there’s carry-out menus on the fridge.  Yeah, you might want to bring food cause all you’d eat are the ice cream sandwiches and beer.”

“How do you feed yourself?! You eat like a speed eating champion.”

“I eat out every meal.”

My 31-year-old brother still lives the life of a bachelor.  I find it hilarious.

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things i never want to experience in life…

  • a tarantula crawling on me.  just the thought makes me want to puke.  i touched a dead spider by accident today and almost puked.
  • a hangover.  yes.  i know it’s some right of passage, but i have migraines.  and if my migraines can make me hug the porcelain god like a lifeline, cringe a noises, smell and lights…then i think i’ve experience enough “hangovers” for my lifetime.
  • having a python or boa constrictor sitting on my shoulders.  people who do that are nuts.  just plain nuts.
  • amoebas in my stomach.  a friend had this from accidentally eating something bad in another country.  her doc said it was like a zoo in her stomach.  um, no thanks.
  • actually doing my taxes without the assistance of a person or turbo tax.  see: migraine
  • eat raw meat.  the look of raw meat alone makes me want to be a vegetarian.  actually, just thinking about the fact that meat is technically a  muscle of another animal makes me want to be a vegetarian.  it has nothing to do with PETA.
  • eat skipjack guts.  skipjack is a tuna.  eating its guts is something the japanese do and something one of my coworkers tricked another coworker into eating.  no.  never.  pb and j or a luna bar please.
  • eat a bite of meat with mashed potatoes, gravy, a vegetable and stuffing all together.  omg, can you say ew.  yes, most of my “i never want to experience” things are food related.  yes, i know i have a food problem.
  • get shot.  self explanatory. and i saw the actual footage of JFK getting shot.  no go.  let’s add get stabbed to that too.
  • drive through liberty heights at night.  i did it once during the day and i don’t think i’ve ever cursed that much before in my life.
  • go to somalia.  their pirates aren’t as hot as jack sparrow.
  • work at a job i hate.

currently i never want to experience child birth.  that could change in the future.  but i still don’t think i’d want to actually be pregnant and rear a child.  surrogate?  sure.  no pain.  keep my figure.  growing a leech and pushing it out?  omg.  you’ve got to be kidding me.

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