Tag Archives: family

So, you might want to bring food

Me and the Brother from about 6 years ago

My brosef called me the other night to see if I could sit at his house and wait for the TV repair dude and seeing as I had nothing else to do, I said sure.  He told me when to come over and then went to look in his fridge to see what he had that I would eat (he knows I’m not a big meat eater).

“Well, let’s see. I’ve got beer. Oh! You need to try the Smithwicks.  There’s some deer bologna, snack sticks, um.  I’ve got ice cream sandwiches, you eat those.  They’re the mint kind.  And there’s carry-out menus on the fridge.  Yeah, you might want to bring food cause all you’d eat are the ice cream sandwiches and beer.”

“How do you feed yourself?! You eat like a speed eating champion.”

“I eat out every meal.”

My 31-year-old brother still lives the life of a bachelor.  I find it hilarious.

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photo: weheartit

noun /ˌTHaNGksˈgiviNG/ 
thanksgivings, plural

1) The expression of gratitude, esp. to God
   – he offered prayers in thanksgiving for his safe arrival
   – he described the service as a thanksgiving

2) (in North America) An annual national holiday marked by religious observances and a traditional meal including turkey. The holiday commemorates a harvest festival celebrated by the Pilgrims in 1621, and is held in the US on the fourth Thursday in November. A similar holiday is held in Canada, usually on the second Monday in October

3) A day where the Nicholson-Manger-Kisas clan joins together to eat a traditional meal that commemorates a harvest festival celebrated by the Pilgrims in 1621 and discusses conception and ovulation.  

Yes. I did say conception and ovulation.

It seems that lately, during holiday dinners, the conversation somehow ends up on conception, whether immaculate or regular (Christmas Eve was the toast to immaculate conception), ovulation and the production of children.  My sister the nurse said a family of her patients is keeping her in business because they’re having their 10th child.  That led us to the Duggar family having their 20th.  Which, in turn, led us to discussing how gross the Duggar wife’s uterus must be and planning sex around ovulation times so you have a higher chance of one gender over the other.

And this was without a drop of alcohol.

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what it’s like to have me as your offspring

this afternoon, in the truck with my dad (yes, i do work. but my car needed to go to the car doctor because i do not appreciate him going caput in the middle of the road)

“so i’ve already started to plan out my garden.”-me
“lowes has seeds out, but i was thinking of going to myers to pick up some stuff.”-paternal unit
“okay. i’ll go with you if you want.”
“you can plant snap peas next month. and you should measure everything out instead of eye balling it.”
“ok. i’ll do that. cause we know i can’t make a straight line to save my life.” (dad smiles)
“sounds good.”
“you know what dad? i picked a really constructive hobby, aside from working out.”
“oh yeah?”
“yeah. perfectionism is entirely allowed and totally encouraged. and it benefits all parties.”

later…after my run, i was doing leg raises and talking to my parents…

“dad, can you bring me back my very own rastafarian from jamaica?”
“you mean you don’t want blue mountain coffee?”
“you’re the best dad in the whole world.”
“you just offered me coffee. it’s like you’re my drug dealer.”
“so you want coffee?”
“um. duh. no decaf. has to be caffeinated. please and thanks.”
“and what’s a rastafarian?”
“dude with the rainbow hat, dreads and says ‘ya mon.'”
“your father cannot understand what they are saying. and we’re not bringing one of those back for you. i doubt it’d clear customs” -mom

yes. daily conversation. sometimes i think my dad looks at me, and probably my mom too, and thinks, “who’s genetics did you get? you are not normal.”

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