what happens when….

your body building brother designs your weight lifting plan to increase lean muscle and strength?  he gets a text after your workout saying, “omg, i can’t lift my arms above my head. how am i supposed to drive?”  when brosfis was telling me my plan on the phone, i was thinking in my head, “does he think i’m a wimp?  there’s only like 5 exercises per day after 30 (which i make 45 to an hour) of cardio.”  oh, the cockiness of me.  those 5 exercises were KILLER.  15-20 reps til failure.  that’s how you tone.  in my mind, i’m thinking…this is going to be a breeze…no. wrong.  epically wrong.  he wanted me to struggle and boy did i struggle.  inclined fly, yeah, sweat was pouring off my forehead.  you could see my heart beat in my throat because my carotid was going so freaking fast.  i fear tomorrow’s workout now.  i’m looking at my list of exercises going, “oh man. oh man oh man oh man.”  well done brosefis.

you read the news too much?  you start disliking intently almost everyone.  it’s my way of being a masochist.  i just keep hitting myself with a hammer every article i read and the comments at the bottom.  the paranoia.  the misinformed.  the crappy “facts.”  everyone thinks they’re right.  everyone thinks they know what the military or government should have done to solve the problem.  people are angered over killing (yes, it was a murder, assassination or whatever you want to call it) an “unarmed” man.  um, he would have been armed if he would have known of the raid.  you talk about morals with a man who coldly murdered innocent people and then hid like a coward.  i have to stop myself.  i just get so freaking ticked; hence disliking everyone and wanting to live on an island.

you wake up in a panic at 4am EST and convert a video file for everyone in brussels (+6)?  you get an email back from your president asking why on earth you’re awake when you deserve to sleep in.  so kind.

you go to a DCU vs. Seattle game at RFK? the capitals lose and DCU beats seattle for the first time at home since seattle joined the league.  and you read signs from seattle fans (yes, they’re THAT dedicated) that say, “we’ve got statehood, how about you?”  my reply: “we’re only the most powerful city in the free world… i think that trumps statehood.” and they say, “so this is what a non sold out game looks like?”  and i reply: “i’m sorry that we have a really good hockey team in the playoffs that people want to watch. you’ve got a crappy football and baseball team and soccer.  we’ve got football, soccer, hockey, basketball and baseball.”  and they say, “your field has weeds?! ”  and i reply: “touche.  RFK is neglected.  however, you play in Qwest.  and the reason your field is so excellent is because you share with the NFL, who has more money…”  now, call me a hater or hypocrite because i constantly talk about moving to and loving seattle.  don’t get me wrong, it’s one of my most favorite places on earth.  however, i’m born and bred DC.  you can take me out of the east, but you can’t take the east out of me.  my teams are my teams, no matter what city i’m in.

your hockey team loses 4-0 in a playoff series?  you go into post season depression and refuse to talk to anyone about hockey because you’re depressed and upset.  yes.  i love them THAT much.  i’ve actually told someone that i will consider getting married if i love the guy more than my job and the washington capitals.

you tell a 21 month old you love her?  she gives you a kiss and says, “i la you, dacie.”  heart. explosion.

you exhaust yourself so you can fall asleep?  you have the most insane dreams that you remember vividly.  and you get excited to sleep each night to see what your subconscious creates for you.


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