things i never want to experience in life…

  • a tarantula crawling on me.  just the thought makes me want to puke.  i touched a dead spider by accident today and almost puked.
  • a hangover.  yes.  i know it’s some right of passage, but i have migraines.  and if my migraines can make me hug the porcelain god like a lifeline, cringe a noises, smell and lights…then i think i’ve experience enough “hangovers” for my lifetime.
  • having a python or boa constrictor sitting on my shoulders.  people who do that are nuts.  just plain nuts.
  • amoebas in my stomach.  a friend had this from accidentally eating something bad in another country.  her doc said it was like a zoo in her stomach.  um, no thanks.
  • actually doing my taxes without the assistance of a person or turbo tax.  see: migraine
  • eat raw meat.  the look of raw meat alone makes me want to be a vegetarian.  actually, just thinking about the fact that meat is technically a  muscle of another animal makes me want to be a vegetarian.  it has nothing to do with PETA.
  • eat skipjack guts.  skipjack is a tuna.  eating its guts is something the japanese do and something one of my coworkers tricked another coworker into eating.  no.  never.  pb and j or a luna bar please.
  • eat a bite of meat with mashed potatoes, gravy, a vegetable and stuffing all together.  omg, can you say ew.  yes, most of my “i never want to experience” things are food related.  yes, i know i have a food problem.
  • get shot.  self explanatory. and i saw the actual footage of JFK getting shot.  no go.  let’s add get stabbed to that too.
  • drive through liberty heights at night.  i did it once during the day and i don’t think i’ve ever cursed that much before in my life.
  • go to somalia.  their pirates aren’t as hot as jack sparrow.
  • work at a job i hate.

currently i never want to experience child birth.  that could change in the future.  but i still don’t think i’d want to actually be pregnant and rear a child.  surrogate?  sure.  no pain.  keep my figure.  growing a leech and pushing it out?  omg.  you’ve got to be kidding me.

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