guys…i sympathize

dear manly men,

i would like to tell you that i sympathize with you.  no really, i do.  yes i’m a girl and sometimes freak out like a girl (read: spider), but i also freak out like a guy too (read: commitment…no.  run away).  you gentlemen say that you do not understand the female sex and a lot of women argue they don’t understand the male sex.  that’s because women want men to assume and read minds to get it right.  to quote my yoda:

“you’re in the car with your boyfriend and you look over at him and go, “hey, are you getting hungry?”  to you, this is a hint that you’re hungry and would like to stop asap to get some food.  to him, it means “hey, are you hungry?”  if he’s not, he’ll answer no and leave it at that.  he’s not going to analyze and read between the lines to figure out that he should ask you if you’re hungry.  that’s what women want. and when a guy doesn’t do that, they get pissy.”

true story.  and i experienced this today, except i was in the dude’s position and my male boss was in the girl’s position.  i am work married and i would really like to know when i actually became work married.  it wasn’t the day i signed my contract, but i feel like it happened within a month after that.  my boss and i bicker like siblings and, because he’s a micro-manager like the rest of us and he knows it, he nags like a wife.  mainly to make sure things are getting done, but even he calls it the nagging wife time.  we have a metric fuck ton of work to do on a daily basis.  we even email on sundays to coordinate for the next day (this doesn’t happen every weekend).  i speak to him on the phone more than any other person i know.  we are work married.  it’s sad.  anyway, back to the point.

in this work marriage, it occurred to me that i am the dude and he’s the chick.  why?  the very scenario that yoda presented.  boss tells me he wants images.  which makes me have to ask questions.  and when the image i pick isn’t the one he wanted (and since he pulls a higher rank his wins), he makes another statement and eventually does it himself.  this leaves me feeling utterly confused as to what just happened.  what happened was he was being a girl and trying to be as vague as possible when telling me things.  this leads to a frustrating day of him giving me a broad idea when he has a specific one in his head and then saying my version isn’t right and him doing it on his own.  rinse, wash, repeat.

so, gentleman, i feel your pain.  you deal with this with almost every chick you know.  i apologize on behalf of my sex.  really, i’m so sorry.  the amount of brain power it takes to try to figure out what the hell we’re saying is incredibly draining.  and you’re almost in a lose-lose situation.  if you don’t ask, the girl gets mad.  if you do ask, the girl will continue to be vague until you become entirely successful in legilimency (harry potter for mind reading).  if you feel confused and like you just can’t seem to get it right…it’s okay.  it’s not you.  it’s the girl.  she’s nuts.  and you can’t yell at her because then she’ll cry and no one likes it when someone cries.  awkwarddddddddd.

i truly and whole heartedly sympathize with you.  but grab a beer for the road, cause it’s not going to stop.



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