a touch of sentimate

ever since we were little, we’ve been told that we can be whatever we want to be.  parents should have given us some more realistic expectations on this “whatever we want to be,” because the last time i checked, there isn’t a female QB in the NFL.  the closest girls get to the field is reporting, i.e. erin andrews and andrea kramer.  (oh, i so envy them)  and sometimes people question why a girl is out there because it’s a man’s sport.  well, they’re out there because they got the job.  and because as a girl, there are many men whom i can surpass in football and hockey knowledge.  anyway, that’s not the point.  the point is, we have to chase what we want. 

my momma has constantly told me that i don’t get a silver platter.  that things will not be handed to me. some people have natural talent.  this might sound harsh, but that was the realism she was instilling in me.  “no stacie, you can’t be an astronaut.  you love space, but you can’t sit in a car without wanting to puke.”  realistic.  if i really, absolutely, wholeheartedly wanted to be an astronaut, she might have said something else.  but the minute i watched apollo 13 and top gun and saw them flipping those dudes around, my stomach wanted to curl over and die.

but my momma was right.  everyone’s got a talent; something they can do better than everyone else.  even if it’s small, it’s still something they can do better than anyone else.  and she’s also right that things aren’t handed to me.  it’s hard.  life is hard.  the people who get handed everything (ahem, paris hilton–and look where that got her) don’t know squat.  and it’s the fact that you have to work for it that makes the satisfaction completely worth it.

this seems like a repetitive ramble from crap we’ve heard over and over again.  maybe it’s because it’s more real now.  who knows.  i just know this.  i had my life planned out and that changed and i used to be so angry about it.  i still wonder about the life i almost had, but i like the one i’m living.  i like this life because in this one, at 2 freaking 3, i know what i want.  i know the one thing i aspire to be.

i told my mom this.  that there’s really only one thing i aspire to do in my life.  one thing i haven’t touched yet.  and she said that was kinda sad.  i looked at her and went, “mom, why’s it sad that this is the one thing i dream about?  the one thing that only i can work for?  do you want my dream to be 2.5 kids, a house and a mini-van?”  she said no.  i said, “good, cause that’s not my dream.  do i want it, sure. not the van though.  if i find a man whom i love more than my dream, then hell yes.  but i’m not going to have a lot of them.  this dream is a passion, not just a wish to see the austrailian stars.  that’s something i want, not something i dream about.  i’ve already done a half marathon, dream reached.  i’ve already and i’m still touching people’s lives.  dream reached and continuing.  so why is it sad that i really only aspire to be one thing?  cause it’s all i’ve got the energy for.” 

the point is, chase what you want.  i don’t know how anything of what i wrote goes along with that, but it’s all there is.  you chase what you want and you don’t stop chasing after it until you’ve got it.  and then find something else to chase after. 

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