i am not a foodie

i work with a foodie.  she’s one of those people who’s daring when it comes to eating.  she’ll go to a restaurant and tell the waiter to “suprise her.”  i do not understand these kinds of people.

when i go somewhere, i order the same thing.  why? because i know i like it and i’m not willing to spend money out someplace to try something to end up not liking it.  and menus are so fudging confusing.  they make the food sound like art.  to some people, it is.  to me, it’s the thing i have to have in order to stay alive.  so enough with the fancy shamancy “drizzled with a light vinigerette and sprinkled with yada yada.”  my questions for these people are, “what is it, what animal/plant does it come from and what did you put on it?  in english please.”

i swear i would be a vegetarian if it weren’t for chicken and seafood.  i really can’t stand beef.  yes, i’ll eat a burger, but i LOAD that sucker with ketchup, cheese, lettuce, pickles and maybe some onions.  then i can’t really taste the beef.  pork is eh.  turkey is dry.  i’ll eat ham and turkey lunch meat, but really, chicken and seafood.  and not even all kinds of seafood.

the foodie (she’s really nice, by the way) has asked me what i actually eat.  and when i was listing the veggies, fruits and meats i eat on a regular basis, she was surprised when i said salmon.

“wait.  you eat salmon?”
“yeah.  i like it best smoked.”
“but that’s a really fishy fish.  most picky eaters don’t eat that.”
“yeah, i went through a phase where i wouldn’t eat it at all.  but i like it again.”
“i’m impressed.  and i’m impressed that you actually ate something at the lebanese restaurant the other day.”
“i had to call someone and ask what falafel was and if i’d like it.” i smiled.
“well, i’m proud.  because i swore up and down that you probably only eat one thing aside from cereal and coffee.”
“yeah?  what’s that?”
“peanut butter and jelly.”
“i won’t lie, i eat that A LOT.”
“i knew it.”

love you pb & j.  especially toasted.  peanut butter is by far one of the best inventions of mankind.


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