my family. i love them. they’re hilarious. and stubborn. and witty.
i started my day working from home. mom commented on my work attire (sweats and a t-shirt). i move to the living room and spread out and get to work. the more i work, the more time i get to spend with my aunt and uncle when they show up. dad comes home.
“you’re still working?”
“yeah…i started at 7. it’s only 1. i’ve got 2 more hours until it’s technically a full day.”
“oh. well, they should be here soon.”
“okay. when they get here, i’ll see if boss man will let me break until they go to sister’s.”
then the family arrives. dad’s showing off plants. aunt and i are chatting. then sister arrives with gator and kaos and then brother arrives. mom comes home later after work. we do the maryland thing (crabs and beer) and then my poor uncle gets accosted with three people ranging from 23 to 30 who decide to act like children again. sister explains that i’m random. i counter with the fact that i make connections with two things that seem random, but are actually connected and then i blurt them without giving you the background. sister stares at me and just says RANDOM. sister finds out that brother texts. she goes, “i didn’t know you texted.”
“where the hell have you been?” brosef says.
“i text him. i texted him when i got bit by the bird.”
“i still can’t believe you got bit by a bird. i know no one that got bit by a bird.” brosef says.
“well, we talk for an hour on the phone instead of having random (points at me continuously) texts.” sister says.
“you do know someone who’s been bit by a bird.” i say.
“other than you dumb dumb.”
then sister tries to put crab seasoning on brosef’s face in an attempt to show how gator shares food.
later, sister goes and sits (yes, sits) on the side of brother. i plop down on the floor with them and start poking my brother. he asks sister if something is a vein or not. she says no, it’s a cyst. then we compare how pale sister and i are compared to brother. i still win. i flipped over to the underside of my arm and my brother asked for sunglasses. then brother proceeds to flick me and sister cracks up at the face i make when i say ow (apparently i whined). so that starts a flicking war between brother and i, which ends with him going “let me flick your big toe! come on! let me flick it!”
after i crack brother’s back, he asks me to try to pop his cyst (it’s small). so i press on it and start beating it with gator’s toy. mom looks at us and we look back and go “what?” she goes, are you really getting satisfaction out of trying to break your brother’s cyst? that’s a little sadistic.”
“mom. do you know how many times my head has gone into that stone on the fireplace? or when he used to pinch me for no reason. ow. like just now. pay back. and he asked for it.”
brother asks sister (who is a nurse practitioner) a, let’s just say very personal question regarding bowel movements…in front of everyone. and she answered. and we kept talking about it. and no one thought it was super weird….
after everyone leaves, i go back to my room to finish my work day. i still had another project to finish. dad comes back to my room:
“you’re still working?”
“uh, yeah dad. i haven’t hit 8 hours yet. plus sometimes i work 8+ hours.”
“oh. um, when you’re done, do you think you could do whatever you have to do to my ipod?”
“no problem. i’ll be done in a half hour.”
(ps, my brother is like the hulk. and 3 of his friends forced him (physically and verbal encouragement) into a little kid’s inner tube for the pool. i do believe it was pink. and sister chimes in saying, “the poor inner tube was probably screaming ‘put me out of my misery!'”)