last night i had dinner with my fantastic lawyers, larry and mandeep. yes, mandeep’s family is indian. and he speaks spanish. weird. anyway. larry mentioned something about someone in his family going to some random tree hugger genius school north of seattle. i commented that when i went there for the first time it was a legit culture shock. that statement got the parental units and both suits to look straight at me urging for an explanation. here’s what followed.
“so when we got there, we went straight to pike’s place market. that’s when i noticed that people legit take their time. i slapped one of the kids’ shoulders and went, ‘holy crap! look at them. look. they’re STROLLING. strolling! what the heck?! they’re taking their time.'”-me
“yeah, some people do take their time.” suit one (mandeep) said.
“no no, you’re missing the point. we live in the corridor of D.C. to Boston. it’s that little line of cities. exclude the eastern shore and western maryland because they’re just weird to begin with. but really, D.C. to baltimore to philly to new york to boston. we’re all on a damn suicide watch!” this got a lot of laughter. “no really. we don’t ‘take our time’ crossing the street even if it is just going to starbucks. we rush. there’s no strolling. it’s blackberrying and hustling all the way. God forbid someone take an extra second because they paid in cash. hell, we pay for $2.45 on a credit or debit card here.”
“you have a solid point.” mandeep said. DUH.
“i know i do.”
“i wonder why that is.” larry said.
“um, hello. D.C. is the capitol of the free world. heck of a lot of stress there. in baltimore they’re shooting each other, in philly they’re hating each other, ever heard of wallstreet? well that defines new york. they’re really strung out. and boston. well that’s filled with the irish. think about it.”
then mandeep said how his friend is from kentucky and life is slower there, so he takes more time saying things. that drives me and him nuts. spit it out already. “welllllllllllllll. i was thinkin………..” what? what were you thinking? omg, you’ve wasted 5 seconds of time. spit it out. i have a lot of thoughts and things i need to do and i could have accomplished 10 sentences in those 5 seconds. let’s go. let’s go.
if i ever move to the pacific northwest or anywhere outside of the suicide watch corridor, i’m going to need a job where i’m always on the move because really, after 23 years of rushing, it’s not possible to slow down. mandeep and larry live with their phones. mandeep now has a rule of keeping his in the car. larry can’t be separated; it’s almost like amputation. watching them in trial without their blackberries and iphones was ridiculously hilarious.