customers make me laugh

instead of being angry about working at lowes, i decided to find it amusing, and i’ve succeeded.  each week i get some hilarious people and some people you just have the urge to strangle.  i slap them mentally.  anyway, people constantly complain about garden center lines on the weekends.  um, hellooooooooooooooooo.  you’re in the GARDEN CENTER.  on a WEEKEND.  the only time you’re not going to get a line is the crack of dawn and 9 at night.  you come in on a sunny, warm day in may after church where others are doing the exact same thing and buy 30 plants and then you complain about the line?  honey, the person right in front of you bought 60 plants, shut it.  and lowes has not upgraded its computer system, so we have technical difficulties a lot.  these machines are outside and they get wet because lowes people are stupid and if it’s raining just a little, we don’t just down, but the computer is still getting wet as is the scan gun and they wonder why it’s malfunctioning.  this is classified as a DUH moment.  so, we’re trying to keep track of 60 plants where some have the same barcode and others do not and checking the screen to make sure it scanned and then sometimes counting because if we screw up, we could get in trouble.  and yet you still complain about a line.

scan guns did not pass calculus ladies and gentlemen.  they cannot find the point on a curve at any spot.  they can’t even do curves.  they’re straight edge widgets.  so do not get all frustrated and moody when we have trouble scanning the barcode because it’s curved and even though there are 3 different barcodes, they’re all curved, so shut the frick up and let me type it in in peace.

and don’t tell me you’ve been in line for 3 hours.  we’re moving as fast as we can and you, for some reason, believe that getting an attitude will make it go faster when you could have just gone inside because yes, you can buy freaking flowers inside.  it’s all one store idiot.

and don’t complain about the line and say i should have gone to home depot or i’ll be going to home depot. buh bye.  i don’t care.  let them deal with your whiney butt.  it means i get better customers that have patience.  and your threat to go to home depot…what do you think, i hold stock in this company?  do you think i’m incompetent because i’m a cashier.  no honey, i’m freaking smart and process things a lot faster than you and your toothless sneer.  i’m a victim of the economy, so do not treat me like i’m stupid because i can most likely out wit you.  i’ve proven it with older and wiser people who enjoy coming into my line because they get sarcasm and a joke.

be patient shoppers.  your attitude only makes us want to go slower to tick you off even more.  you’re all shopping at the same dang time and spending $250 on plants that are going to die because they’re annuals.

and stop asking for pansies.  they’re already out of season.  they come in in march.  if you’re looking for a certain flower, research when it is at its best time in the season and then you’ll figure out if we have it.  and don’t sigh at me if we don’t.  i don’t control the shipment.

and i’m just another human being too.  so want to switch places and let me be a jerk to you?  i’d find it fun.

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